I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
