"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My feet surprised me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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