even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
