I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
