to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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