I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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