Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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