i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
