somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
