i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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