3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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