Your mouth is God's brothel.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
