It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
