the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
