I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize