mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
