I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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