I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
