I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
