there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
