happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
