So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
