My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
