idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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