i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
