There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
