before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
