So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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