I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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