Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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