Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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