come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
