WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
