i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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