i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Can you bring me the toilet please
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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