guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
