It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Randomize
