apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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