i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
