Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
