Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
