I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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