I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
