I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
