so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
