As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
