You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
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you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
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After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize