I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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