He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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