i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
a search helicopter?!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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