So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
