I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
