I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
