Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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