Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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