Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Randomize