I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
