I didn't shave. On purpose
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we should paint friendship bongs
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
