Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
