Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
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Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
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Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
All the doctor said was why
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