I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize